February 27th, 2012

Another day of great news! Like the earlier post said, Ryan was on the verge of being put back on the vent. He is now thriving on the CPAP and doing amazing! His oxygen requirement was around 55% for the past two days, but today, they were able to wean him down to about 35%--he even got as low as 29% this afternoon! Normal room air oxygen is roughly 21%, so being at 29%, it is almost as if Ryan was breathing without the help from anything! The nurse is very impressed with his progress! He is now 2 pounds 4 ounces and 14.3 inches long. He had some watery stools yesterday which has the nurse worried, but we figured it out, and I was told I needed to lay off the Mexican food for a while. HAHA. Who would have thought he would have gotten the poops from me eating some PePe's. Ryan and I are so proud of our little guy! We are trying to stay positive about this whole experience and baby Ryan is doing the best he can!

February 25th, 2012

Well, exciting news to fill everyone in on! We woke up this morning and called the NICU to find out that Ryan had pulled out his ventilator tube! I guess he was sick of having it in and wanted to show everyone he can breathe on his own. He now has the CPAP in and is doing okay. He again is in between going back onto the vent, but because he's not even supposed to be on the CPAP right now, we are not thinking of this as a set back. His nurse was amazed that he was able to wiggle himself off the vent, but to be honest, Ryan and I were not THAT shocked he was able to do it--he is a little wild one when he wants to be. He is still tolerating his feedings very well and still pooping like a champ. The only thing we are concered with is his oxygen and that will come in time when he gains some strength.

We are also going to be walking this year for March of Dimes. The walk is going to be on April 29th, which also happens to be my birthday! I would love for everyone to walk with us or at least join the team and help us raise money. If you are not able to do either, donateing to the team will be appreciated!

Here is the website to join/donate: http://www.marchforbabies.org/s_team_page.asp?SeId=1800109

February 23rd, 2012

First family photo!

Hello!

What a crappy day out outside! Thankfully, to and from the hospital today, we didn't get stuck in any traffic from the snow! Ryan is doing well. We noticed while we were there he was spitting up a lot more from his vent.  While holding him, they had to suction his tube out about 5 times. Usually if we have fluid stuck in our throats, we can easily clear it out by coughing. Due to Ryan's vent being put in, instead of fluid getting stuck in his throat, it gets sucked up through the vents tube. This in turn travels down into his lungs, and he is unable to breathe to his full potential resulting in his oxygen saturation lowering (which is not good). Hopefully he can start learning to spit the extra saliva out, or like the doctors are testing for, get the bacteria under control. Other than that, it was a "normal" day in the NICU. I was able to hold him again as you can see in the picture, and Ryan changed baby Ryan's poopie diaper all by himself and checked his temperature. We are slowly getting in the hang of being parents in the NICU.



February 22, 2012

Hello All!

Today Ryan is doing great! His PICC line is already out so his arms are FREE!! Ryan cannot express his excitement right now so I will do it for him....YAAAAYYY!!! The doctors are not planning on giving him any more medications, and all of his nutrients are coming from my breast milk. He is going to receive any extra things through his feeding tube, which as of right now, is just vitamins and an iron supplement. Earlier today, he was having a lot of secretions coming through his ventilator. They are not sure if these extra secretions are from Ryan being stubborn and just wanting to get the vent out, or if there is possibly bacteria build up in his lungs and his body is trying to remove it. The culture test usually takes about 48-72 hours so we won't find out for a few days what the outcome is. I think Ryan may just be stubborn--can you blame him? The nurse working with Ryan tonight (Sarah) was very nice and informative, which again, helps comfort us at night that he is in good hands. I am getting nervous though with all these women seeing him; everyone loves working with him. Protective mommy-mode is kicking in and I don't need these girls calling him their boyfriend already. Haha.

P.S. I have 230 views in 2 days?! Either the same people can't get enough of him, or I have a lot of people interested in Ryan's progress! This put me in such a good mood!

February 21st, 2012

Happy 2 weeks Ryan!

Well mom and dad got to experience their second super poopy diaper. Thank God he is in his isolate because we have yet to smell anything funky. Ryan's nurses were very friendly today which helps comfort us that he is in good hands. There is no new update to say--this is just another day Ryan is getting stronger. There has been talk of removing his PICC line. This hopefully means they're not expecting to give him any more medications or supply him with extra nutrients. I will be very excited once this IV is out because for those of you who have come to see Ryan, he is very active and loves to move his arms around. I do a lot of preemie research now just so I am more aware of what things to expect and good questions I should be asking the doctors and nurses. Every once and a while, I run into amazing articles that help me such as this "How Preemie Moms Are Chosen" article.

How Preemie Moms Are Chosen
by Erma Bombeck

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.
Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.
Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She has just the right amount of selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see-- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice-- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Getting Caught Up

February 7th, 2012

At 8:04pm, Ryan was born. 2 pounds 1 ounce, 14 inches long. 25 weeks and 4 days premature. Immediately he was put on a ventilator that breathes for him. It can also monitor the amount of oxygen, air pressure, and number of breaths he takes. An umbilical catheter and IV line were inserted through the umbilical cord to supply him the proper nutrients and medications.

February 8th, 2012

Ryan was under close watch by his nurses and doctors, but he was doing great, and all his vital signs were stable.

February 9th, 2012

Ryan went down to 2 pounds. This is a normal reaction being that he was now not eating everything that he was getting when in my belly--no more Hooters or McDonalds for him for a little while. He is however now getting 1 milliliter (ml) of breast milk every 2 hours which means they inserted a feeding tube. He is also now on phototherapy which helps break down the bilirubin in the body. We call this Ryan's tanning bed, but in actuality, it’s helping him from getting jaundice (yellowing of the skin).

February 10th, 2012

Ryan has been taken off the ventilator (first milestone). His CO2 levels in his blood gases have been looking good, and the doctors made the decision to try him on the C-PAP.

Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (C-PAP) – This method is used for babies who can breathe on their own, but just need some help getting air to their lungs.

The C-PAP doesn't bypass his vocal cords like the ventilator does, so Ryan and I got to hear our little guy cry for the first time.

February 11th, 2012

Ryan is now 1 pound and 13 ounces. Although he is receiving the 1ml of milk every 2 hours, it has not helped him gain any weight. The first couple days of milk that a mother produces is what’s called colostrum--this has no amount of fat it in, but instead has essential antibodies that help build a babies immune system. Ryan's umbilical catheter was taken out today.

February 12th, 2012

No new news with Ryan progress. He is still remaining a little fighter. Jen changed her first diaper of Ryan's today. Wasn't that messy of a diaper, I just need more practice on a baby in an incubator (isolate).

February 13th, 2012

First day we haven't seen Ryan since he was born. Grandma and Grandpa Gillespie got to fill us in on how he was--he is still doing great!

February 14th, 2012

Happy 1 week old Ryan! What a great Valentine’s Day it was! Ryan's feedings have gone up to 3ml every 2 hours. I got to hold Ryan for the very first time! It was a little scary having them move him with all these wires in, but once he got comfortable on my chest, he was passed out sleeping for a solid hour. Ryan got to change baby Ryan's diaper for the first time! And finally, baby Ryan started opening his eyes to look at his mommy and daddy. Needless to say, we had a very good night and couldn't have been any more excited with how the day went!

February 15th, 2012

Ryan's feedings have gone up to 5ml every 2 hours. His oxygen levels on the C-PAP are borderline switching back to the vent. Being on the C-PAP, Ryan has to breathe on his own which may be too much on his tiny body right now. They said not to think of it as a setback that he would be going back on the vent, it would just give Ryan the break he needs to gain more strength in his lungs. A PICC line was also inserted into his arm.

Central line (sometimes referred to as a PICC line) - This is an intravenous line that is inserted into a vein, often in the arm which allows use for a larger vein. This is normally used to deliver nutrients and medicines that would otherwise irritate smaller veins.

The PICC line will be in his arm for a while until he does not need any further nutrients or medications.

February 16th, 2012

Ryan's feedings have gone up to 7ml every 2 hours. They have moved him back to the vent like they said that were going to. His heart and digestive system seem to be in great condition, all we need is his lungs to support his body and hopefully it will all be uphill from there.

February 17th, 2012

Ryan's feedings are now at 9ml every 2 hours. The little man is eating and pooping like a champ. Ryan’s final umbilical IV line has come out, so the only tubes we need to be concerned with are from the neck-up. Now back on the vent, his blood gases are looking way better and Ryan is looking a lot more stable. If being on the vent is going to make him not struggle, I am perfectly happy keeping him on it for a while.

February 18th, 2012

Ryan is now eating 11ml every 2 hours. It unbelievable how much milk this little guy can tolerate! The nurses even admit since he is eating a lot more, their changing his diaper way more because he keeps leaking out. Haha. He is now weighing in at 2 pounds 1 ounce which means he is gaining weight, and back to his birth weight! This was also a great day for daddy because he was able to finally hold baby Ryan!

February 19th, 2012

Ryan’s feedings went up to 12ml every 2 hours. Ryan and I got to experience changing our first super poopy diaper. We are still not confident with changing his diaper in the isolate, so the fact that Ryan got some poop on his finger was not a surprise. Baby Ryan's eyes were open the whole time we changed him. I can only imagine what was going through his head while watching us. Ryan is now 2 pounds and 3 ounces, which means he is now heavier than his birth weight!

February 20th, 2012

Ryan’s feedings are now at 14ml every 2 hours. At 11:00AM they decided to switch him back to the C-PAP and give him another try at it. He has been doing very well on the vent and they do not want to deprive him of the challenge of breathing on his own. At 9:30PM, they switched him back to the vent (crazy day for baby Ryan).  He was struggling too much on the C-PAP and there is no reason for him to struggle right now when he can have the vent help him. My only concern is what, if any, kind of damage are all these tubes doing coming in and out of his throat? Humm, something to definitely ask tomorrow morning.

The Beginning

Welcome!

Before I begin on this journey of figuring out what it even means to blog, I wanted to say a little something and hopefully at the end of this journey, I am able to look back and reflect on what a crazy and rewarding time it has been.

Never in a million years did I think anything like this could happen to me. I have lived a pretty healthy life having never once smoked and only drinking on occasion (not counting college). Besides the random UTI or strep throat, I never really even went to a doctor. I was going to school full-time at Moraine Valley and working part time at a very prestigious job (haha).

In September of 2011, I found out I was pregnant. Although scared out of our minds, Ryan and I couldn't have been happier. Life is all about throwing you curve balls; you just have to learn how to hit them. We developed a plan and had from that moment until May 18th to get our lives together before our beautiful boy arrived. The plan was almost perfect. I was finishing up school in early May, Baby Ryan was due May 18th, and my internship wasn't until July. We had that one plan, and that's the only plan we had intended to stick with.

Starting around mid-January, I started having mild contractions. They were not painful, not regular, and very spontaneous. Thinking nothing of it, I went on with my usual days. February 1st, now 24 weeks pregnant, I had a doctor’s appointment with my OB. Everything was very routine; I asked him questions, got some answers, listened to Ryan's heartbeat, and then we were done. I had told him about these mild contractions, and a bit worried, he had stressed if they started feeling any different to contact him immediately.

On Saturday, February 4th, I had woken up with these mild contractions again. They were the same--not painful and irregular, so I got myself up and ready for work. I had worked at this prestigious job of mine until 4:30pm and then had come home to relax. It then all began at 7:00pm.

I started feeling contractions and this time they were painful. I kept track of them and they were almost exactly 7 minutes apart. After contemplating going to the ER or not, I got myself up and told Ryan we needed to go a.s.a.p. We arrived at the ER and I was almost immediately admitted into Palos Hospital and sent to Labor and Delivery. Once on the floor, I changed into a gown and was checked to see if I had dilated--surprisingly I hadn't. From 8:00pm until about 1:30am, I was in a serious amount of pain, but not dilating. Ryan stayed by my side the whole time and attempted to make me feel more at ease. After checking me again after some time, they were just about to send me home, as I had not dilated at all. They asked to do one final check before I got back into my clothes and that’s when they realized I was 1cm dilated.

Things took off from there. The contractions were getting worse, and my OB was now on his way to the hospital. Once at the hospital, now around 4:00am, my OB checked me once again to see if I had progressed. What he said next will always stick in my head. "You are 2cm dilated and 75% faced." This meant I had progressed and my uterus was now thinning out preparing for delivery. Palos was not a complex hospital equipped to handle a 25 week baby, so they immediately transferred me to Rush Medical Center.

While I took a fairly quick ride in an ambulance to Rush, Ryan was calling our families to let them know I was in preterm labor. Although way more scared than I was, partially because I was now on some medication that had me feeling preeeeetty good, Ryan somehow looked like he was remaining calm. Once at Rush, they had checked me again and I was now 3cm dilated. They started an IV of medication that included a steroid and some sort of enhancer to speed up lung and brain development for baby Ryan, while another medication tried to stop my contractions. An hour or so later, they had checked me again and I was at 4cm; I stayed 4cm for the remainder of the day.

For the rest of my night on Sunday, and all day Monday, I had not felt one contraction. Baby Ryan was doing great, and I was feeling like I had just dodged a bullet. I would remain 4cm or slightly smaller for the remainder of my pregnancy, which I thought, was going to be until May 18th. That was until I woke up the next day, Tuesday, February 7th, at 7:30am with contractions again.

I had told Ryan the night before he was good to go to work in the morning. I felt great on Monday and there was no sign I was going to go back into labor. When contractions started on Tuesday morning, I knew something was wrong. I immediately texted my mother and Ryan that I was contracting again and that they were painful. My mom immediately got in the car and headed to Rush. I continued to text Ryan until I couldn’t bare the pain anymore and handed the phone over to my mom. She, of course, with the direction of the nurse, told Ryan he needed to get to the hospital right away. I would spend the next few hours again in a serious amount of pain and again not showing signs I was dilating. Around 12:30pm, they transferred me back into the labor and delivery room and started pumping me with the same medication they had before to prepare Ryan’s lungs and brain, and to stop my contractions. Around 5pm, I had finally stopped contracting and was feeling a little better. I had not dilated in that whole time, so they thought my contractions were non progressive. Coming in to give one last precautionary check at 7pm, the MD had a look of shock on her face when she told me I was 9cm dilated and 80% faced. Now, I would have been fine with 4cm, would have understood 5cm, and could have remained calm with 6cm, but 9cm, that was a huge increase from just being 4! She told me to be prepared for delivery, but even then, I couldn't believe it!! A half hour later, now 7:30pm, the MD entered again to check me and I was 10cm dilated and 100% faced and ready to deliver.

From that moment I swear, everything was going in slow motion and I was in another world. A team from the NICU was called in, multiple nurses were present, and Ryan was putting on his scrubs to be there with me in the operating room. It felt like once they wheeled me into the operating room, I had begun pushing. Now I know people are going to sit there and say, "It couldn't have been that hard to push a 2 pound baby out", but until you have pushed a 2 pound baby out without any pain medication, don't talk to me. It took me a second to figure out where exactly I was aiming to push at, but once I found "the spot", Ryan was out in a matter of minutes.

Our little warrior was born February 7th, 2012 at 8:04pm, weighing 2 pounds 1 ounce and 14 inches long at exactly 25 weeks and 4 days. They had warned us that once he was out, the NICU team was going to rush him away to get him immediate medical attention. Baby Ryan came out a fighter though, and allowed his daddy to see him for the first time just minutes after he was born and before being whisked away to the NICU. I laid there dazed about what I had just experienced and how fast the whole process was. I swear there were at least 15 people in the room and I could only minutes after delivery pick out 3 of their faces…one of course being Ryan's. Once back into the labor and delivery room, I was greeted by the smiling faces of Ryan’s family and my mom and sister. Well, my Mom was crying, but they were happy tears. I also was told that my little sister was driving all the way from college home to be there and give support. My dad could not be there because he was obligated to stay at work, but I knew he would get to the hospital as soon as he could. From then on, I knew my world had changed.

The nurses were very nice and considerate and knew my main priority was to see baby Ryan to see that he was doing okay. Once my post-partum room was ready, they wheeled me into the NICU to see him for the first time. It was so surreal to think that this tiny baby, who was just hanging out comfortably in my belly, was now laying in an incubator (isolate) fighting for his life. A human’s will to live is truly inspiring, and baby Ryan definitely had the will that day. Ryan and I just sat there staring at him for a few moments, in disbelief that we had just experienced having our first child. We would spend the next 2 nights going to see him as much as we could in the NICU and having our wonderful family and friends visit to see this miracle baby.

This is just the beginning of our journey in the NICU, and I am sure it will be filled with plenty of ups and downs. I want this blog to be real, to be from the heart, and give everyone all of the facts. I will not sugar coat anything about having a baby in the NICU, and am using this as a way for me to reflect back on Ryan's progress in the future.

Today begins day 1, and I hope there is at least one person who will be reading these and following myself and Ryan throughout our experiences. Cough Lindsay cough. haha